Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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