Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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