You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
