Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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