so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
