I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
