They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
