if only i could text you this smell
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
