Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
