I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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