She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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