my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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