I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
