She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
