my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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