even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
