The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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