Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
