So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
