I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
