I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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