Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I think my vagina is haunted
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
