i don't like sucking hair
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Randomize
