my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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