I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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