This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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