Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
