Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
