No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
