You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
