Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
