Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
