You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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