Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Randomize
