I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
pray to the hookup gods
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
