You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
