I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
