When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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