Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
