Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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