The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
