My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
