I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
