i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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