How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
