Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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