also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
