feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
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my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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