I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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