you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
