I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I think your dad took our porno
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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