don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
