Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
