Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
