dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
