I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
