Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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