I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
