his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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