"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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