The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Found your dick twin last night
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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