you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
