So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
