Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
