Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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