riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
